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This veritable flying machine has clearly taken some time to
build. Someone normal would have had a 'wake up' moment half way through
this build and realised that they were in fact, a bellend. This guy was
obviously made of sterner stuff and persevered to produce a complete chod of
a car. It's a pity he didn't get to the 1.6 'Popular' engine or the rear
brake drums. Lets hope his council estate doesn't have speed bumps or he
won't be going anywhere. |
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What twisted sicko would do this to a poor XR2?
The Fiesta Mk2 XR2 was a nice car. I had one.
Why on earth would you want to make it look like a Klingon battle-cruiser
and then pop-rivet your Mum's pedal-bin to its rear? The XR2's stylist must
be rotating in his grave/big house. |
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Honda for sale. Includes putrid 80's 3 spoke chrome alloys.
One previous owner who didn't like having suspension so he took it off
and threw it away. |
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Do you remember when you built an Airfix kit and you had all
the optional unused bits left over at the end? Did you ever save them up
and try to build something ridiculous? I did, and it looked much like this
bloke's car. I didn't have access to a blindfolded chimp to paint it though.
This guy obviously did. |
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An Escort Notworth. (anything). Now that's what I call a
spoiler. Rear visibility may be a problem though, you could just about see a
sheet of A4 edgewise if it happened to be driving behind you. Which it
wouldn't be, er Obviously. |
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A 78 BHP Saxo Furio. Is it fast? No. |
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Dr Japseye sent in this Camero that appears to have been
repaired using toothpaste or flour-and-water glue.
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What's brown, nasty and found on footpaths?
A lowered brush-painted dog-turd of a VW. |
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Sumo Power huh? I thought Sumo's were fat and slow. |
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Thanks to Dr Japseye for this wank yank tank. |
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Someone's flame grilled Hyundai.
It just shows, they're not all locked up yet. |
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This guy has 'No Fear' of looking like a cock. |
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Looks like an 80's bathroom suite on wheels. Those wheels
are just what you need for showing off your rear drum-brakes. |
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Only in Dr Japseye's country of residence could this happen. |
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Does my bum look big in this? ...Well yes.
Looks like someone's sawn their bath in half and nailed it to their
Fiesta, then tried to paint it with one touch-up can. A fine improvement then. |
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Ever wondered how shitboxes form? They are by nature very
shy creatures and it's very rare to see one in its chrysalis state, where
the normal family car is being metamorphosed into the box of shit. Here is a
rare photo of one in its transitional period. This period always seems to
involve the embryonic shitbox turning grey, due to some as yet
unknown chemical
process. Here we can see the arches beginning to bulge over the tiny wheels and
the skinny exhaust suddenly becoming 4 times the size as it exits to the
side. After a few more benefit cheques this will be a fully formed shitbox
where it will be found grazing at the nearest McDonalds Drive-thru. |
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Nice spoiler, shame about the car... This is a genuine spoiler, but unfortunately it's meant for
attachment to the fire-breathing turbo-nutter-ASBO version of this car, the
EVO.
This granny version, complete with wheel-trims is like a pig wearing
a dress. |
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This Saxo appears to have sprouted fangs and has a radiator
the size of the one in our lounge, or what is possibly a section of garden
fence in there. The bodywork leaves a bit to
be desired, you could change your plugs without lifting the bonnet, simply
stick your arms through the gaps.
Looks evil but would be left in the weeds by Mike Hunt the rep in his
diesel Vectra. He probably wouldn't even put down his Ginster's Cajun
Chicken dreadful rollup thing. |
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Obviously a woman's car, but they usually have more sense.
Then again it could be a bloke's. Probably a bloke who's girlfriend is
called Dave. |
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If you want to get noticed, paint your car the same colour
as Dale Winton's face. |
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The number-plate says it all. GHAAAAA! An odd target
for modification. The full job though. Flames, spoiler, grilles, splitter,
dual exhausts... and wheels off a settee. |
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Taxi mate? Is it? It looks like a cereal box on
castors. No thanks, I think I'll walk. |
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You may have thought that Knight Rider had retired and was
living in a rest-home for the bewildered. No, actually he's still out there
solving crimes in the Crewe area. Here he is at a potential crime scene where Mr Wilkins' hedge-cutter
has gone missing from his garage. It's quickly solved however as it had
dropped behind the chest-freezer. Another mission accomplished for Michael
Knight and
his wonder-car KITT. |
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Thanks to Dr Japseye for this brief glance of a camouflaged
Calibra. Just as well it's on a normal road because if it had happened to be
in a desert conflict situation it would have been completely invisible. Er,
except for the lights. Obviously. |
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IQ Test. You have a crappy clapped-out N-Reg Mitsubishi. Do
you:
a) Pay a scrap man to take it away.
b) Leave the keys in and hope an escaped mental-patient will steal it.
c) Saw it up and put it in your dust-bin over the next 6 months.
d) Try to paint a Union Jack on it (bearing in mind it's Japanese).
Wrong answer. |
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Obviously a number-plate would have spoiled the effect...
This guy seems to be trying to make his car look like 70's bathroom suite.
P.S. Who needs a camera any more with the stunning quality of these new
mobile-phone cameras? The detail is just breathtaking... |
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The old Mini was crap. There, I've said it. I know it was
years ahead of its time with its front wheel drive etc but that was 40 years
ago, and they carried on making the same crap for the next 30 years.
Austin/Rover/BL (or whatever they were called that year) thoughtfully
injected all the body cavities with Conc Nitric Acid at the production stage
ensuring that the paint was starting to bubble as you drove away from the
showroom. After 2 weeks you'd be trying to get the headlamps to stay in with
a mixture of filler and chicken wire. And of course if you modify something
that's crap in the first place you end up with something like this. There
aren't any good Minis. None. End of. |
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This Mini says on the back. "True Brit not German
shit". Hmmm, so let's think about that, the Germans dominate the luxury
car market and have a reputation for building desirable, fast, reliable
cars. So much so in fact that American-owned rivals like Ford and Vauxhall
have given up in the exec car market.
Our car industry consists of one person called Dave who's built a kit
car.
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This granny-model Civic appears to have sprouted horns and I
think he needs a new self-tapper in his crappy lop-sided exhaust
modification. |
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Another Escort in drag. |
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This has to be included because it's so dismal. This white
Astra has been 'transformed' into something special with the addition of a
chunk of plastic, some blue stuff and two upturned pieces of chrome bathroom
wastepipe, at different angles I might add. Just plain sad. At least it's
easy to unscrew when he comes to sell it to somebody with a normally
functioning brain. |
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Ten years ago this Vectra was probably driven by a rep selling a
range of piss-stones and associated urinal hardware while living life in the
fast lane on Ginsters miserable petrol-station butties. Now it has a new life
as a er.. racing car. This is where old company cars go to die,
and it's a sad end for a once noble beast. |
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6 Exhausts on an Astra? That'll be one for each BHP then.
Someone appears to have glued the front and back of a bus on to this car. |
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The bin is more useful, better looking and worth more. |
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For Sale. Would suit someone who likes to look a complete
cock. |
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What??? There's something odd about this car. Could it be
the gap above the front wheel that you could get Vanessa Feltz into? It
seems to have been designed for something the size of a water wheel. The
chicken wire grilles and shopping-trolley spoiler just add up to a complete
dog's dinner of a car. What the hell is the scoop on the roof for? Could it
be to duct cold air on to the driver's brain, or does it light up like a
taxi, but with the word 'dick' instead, obviously. |
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If you are struggling to fit 16 inch alloys under your Saxo,
spare a thought for this guy who has managed to get his American shitbox on
to 24's! God only knows what problems he must have faced with the
steering and suspension as well as somehow finding room to even turn those
under the car. This combined with the drive ratio problems and speedo error
must have needed some hard-core bodging to make it work. Well done! |
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If you can't afford a Ford GT at 120K then you can make your
own with a clapped out Escort and a tin of Dulux Vinyl Gloss. Cost £4.20
(includes car). |
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We don't usually do motorbikes but this contribution from
Dr Japseye has to be included. Here we have a scooter where someone has
taken a plastic horse, sawn it in half and nailed it on either end! And how
would this be complete without a plastic butterfly? (This is probably to aid
airflow over the horse's arse at high speed). |
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Fast and Furious? Don't think so. This car looks like it's
cost upwards of 20K to modify. He could have bought a decent performance car
and still had some cash left over for a brain transplant. |
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The pensioner's favourite car crappily modified.... by its
manufacturers! The Rover BRM was limited edition based on the Rover 200, (dreadful piece of crap).
Released in 98 and withdrawn in 99 it is supposed to be based on a BRM Formula
1 car. It's enough to leave Graham Hill spinning in his grave with its
puke-inducing orange grille and fake aluminium trim. The red leather seats and
carpet are straight out of a bondage den! The launch price of this car was
£18000! You would have had to be clinically insane to pay that for a
dressed-up Rover 200 that's older than Jupiter. Several price reductions hastily
followed however and they are still treasured today by a few enthusiastic
morons. |
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An entire car made from body filler and chicken wire. A
tribute to David's Isopon. |
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Some bloke thinks he looks cool in this box of utter poo. |
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Thanks to Dr Japseye for this beautiful American barge with
a 3 tonne plastic crustacean nailed to the roof. My colleague Dr Bellend
likes this so much he's having a Bellend made for the top of his Maestro
Clubman Diesel. He's just finishing the wind-resistance calculations and
risk assessment. |
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